Add to that the fact that affairs do not offer solutions to the problems a current relationship is facing. So, if two people make the decision to leave their respective relationships or one person as the case may be , and take the affair to a more permanent and public stage, they will have only compounded the problems they were facing initially. The complications of leaving one relationship for another, especially if the initial relationship is a marriage, are tremendous.
Divorcing may seem ideal in a daydream , but the reality is quite painful, particularly if there are children involved. So, the reality of a lasting relationship from an affair is far from certain.
If, against the odds, a relationship from an affair has a strong enough foundation to create a happy relationship, there are still other issues that will be faced. One of the biggest is the acceptance by family and friends of the new situation.
Cheating spouses are not generally well thought of. Even if the current relationship is fraught with issues, cheating on a marriage rarely receives understanding and approval from those close to the cheater. People may sympathize with the upset caused by a dysfunctional marriage, but no one would or should claim that having an affair is the answer to the problem.
There is also often a general distain for a person who engages in a relationship with married person. They are viewed as a homewrecker and with low moral standards. In fact, there may be outright hostility directed at one or both of you. This kind of pushback and rejection can be very stressful on a relationship which is another strike against a relationship from an affair lasting.
Trust is one of the cornerstones of a strong relationship. Without trust there will always be problems. Those things are really just ways of avoiding taking responsibility for a choice made.
Making the choice to break a commitment to someone else automatically brings trustworthiness into question. If you are trying to establish a healthy relationship on the back of demonstrated broken trust, it will be an uphill battle.
There will always be the nagging worry that it could happen again. The likelihood of either partner ever really trusting the other is slim. They will always wonder if it could happen again. Even if you spin it to hide the fact that your relationship started through an affair, the fact that it will always be uncomfortable to be honest about the way your relationship began can erode an already shaky foundation.
The truth is that most marriages that began as affairs will end up in divorce. If, however, you are certain that your situation is different you need to have your eyes wide open for these issues. You will also need to make concerted efforts to maintain strong communication and be prepared and open to seeing a couples counselor when needed.
The obstacles facing a couple trying to make a relationship from an affair last will almost certainly need professional support at some point.
Kurt works with couples daily who have been impacted by affairs. He had this to say when asked if relationships from an affair can last,. For both men and women, longer-term affairs can arise from an unhappy marriage where one or both partners feel underappreciated or undervalued by their significant other. It could be that the romance between the partners has simply died in the midst of work and chaos of life, or perhaps one or both partners no longer feel physically connected.
Often, a cheater will project their own dissatisfaction or unhappiness onto their partner, blaming their partner for not living up to their expectations.
Take, for instance, a cheater who no longer finds their partner physically attractive. Instead of simply communicating their dissatisfaction and working toward resolving it, they secretly blame the victim and use that as an excuse to continue their longer-term affair. When a cheater begins a longer-term affair, they might feel validated by the person they are cheating with. This feeling of being loved and appreciated is intoxicating, leading them to crave more of it and dragging on the affair.
They might start demanding things of the cheater, such as more time together or material gifts. Serial cheaters are cheaters who continuously cheat on their spouse. Serial cheating can involve a number of one-night stands or even multiple longer-term affairs. Most of the time, serial cheaters have no emotional investment in anyone but themselves.
They seek pleasure at any cost, even if it lasts only for a few minutes. Serial cheaters are narcissists who may lean toward sociopathy. This type of person tends to be insecure about his or her sexual prowess and requires constant reinforcement. A warm body, any warm body, provides the means to get through the night. Serial cheaters do not feel guilt as other cheaters may. They tend to be manipulative and are able to convince themselves that they are doing nothing wrong.
While there are many different types of affairs — one-night stands, longer-term affairs, and even serial affairs — the answer to the question of how long affairs last is clear. An affair will last as long as it suits its purpose, and no longer.
Some affairs last only a couple hours, while others can last a lifetime. In the Attunement stage, both members of the relationship work together to analyze what went wrong and outline better ways of dealing with each other. Finally, in the Attachment stage, the parties work on bonding and rebuilding their relationship.
No two couples are the same, so your road to recovery is very individual to you. However, this strategy can go a long way toward healing and moving on with your life.
If you think a little extra wisdom from the experts will help, then check out these great TED Talks that we recommend for anyone considering divorce. Go to this page about online divorce to learn more. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice , 3 1. We do not provide legal advice through the Service. The Service may facilitate access or introductions to an attorney or other licensed professionals in various ways, including, for example, by providing you with their contact information.
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